A Truth Comes

You said I love you
Would that it were true
Love is not
A death by a thousand tiny cuts
To my surface
My core
It is not a bundle of icy grit lodged just below the heart
Threatening to rise and choke
At every harsh word
Every criticism
Every gaslighting
Every cruel aside
Every threat

No hand raised but
A punch in the gut 100 times a day
Sex that pins you down with its hatred and intensity
Its lack of regard
No sleep comes

A self imposed starvation
To fit
To placate
To gain approval
Just one kind word
Just one validation
That won’t be said
Couldn’t be heard

But I’m made of sturdier stuff I say in my quiet moments
Under my breath
The words of my grandmother
Sturdier stuff

And then she comes
She finds me at last
Truth
On a breeze
It’s under the nose like spring blossom
It envelopes
Truth

That kernel of love
It starts to grow
To whisper No
The whisper finds its voice
To shout
To bellow
To rage from the peak
Until peace comes
And then peace stays
And the calm holds you

At last
And never again you say
Never again you promise
Never again

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